Every relationship has conflicts. Even the healthiest couples argue — they just know how to do it the “right” way.
Being able to resolve conflict in a relationship is an important communication skill. When you and your partner can work together to get through those challenges, your relationship will end up stronger, and you might even find that your sense of intimacy increases.
Of course, when you’re in the middle of a conflict, it doesn’t feel all that easy to get through. So, what can you do? How can you resolve conflict in a relationship and come out stronger on the other side?
Be Direct With How You Feel
Communication is the most important part of dealing with any conflict. That includes being clear and direct when it comes to your feelings. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is keeping your thoughts and emotions to yourself if something is bothering you.
You might be able to sweep things under the rug for a while. But, if it’s troubling to you, you’ll continue to think about it, and those feelings might escalate beneath the surface.
Instead, if you’re dealing with any kind of conflict in your relationship, address it as soon as possible. Show consideration for your relationship as you open up, and provide clear details regarding what’s bothering you.
Even if you’re in the midst of conflict, your partner doesn’t want to purposely cause you distress. Being direct with your feelings will give them the chance to see your perspective and make the changes necessary to resolve conflict without hurting your feelings.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
When you’re in the middle of a disagreement, it’s tempting to push everything outward. You might want to blame your partner for whatever is wrong. They probably have some fault. But, it’s a conflict for a reason, and you probably have some fault, too.
Choose not to play the blame game by putting the entire burden of the conflict on your partner’s shoulders. They’ll get defensive, and your discussion won’t go anywhere.
Instead, focus on using “I” statements. Tell them how you feel and what you need. This leads to better communication and better results without defensiveness.
Don’t Bring Up Past Hurts
In addition to playing the blame game, it can also be tempting to bring up conflicts from the past. Even if you’ve forgiven each other for things, it’s much harder to forget.
Bringing up past issues lets your partner know you haven’t really let things go. It can be hurtful, and it can escalate an argument quickly. Stick to one thing at a time. Focus on dealing with your current conflict. If you have other things you need to discuss, do it at a later time when you’re both calm and clear-headed.
Remember You’re On the Same Team
Again, it’s likely your partner isn’t trying to purposely hurt you or go against you. Remember, even in the midst of conflict, you’re on the same team. You likely want the same things, even if you have different approaches or ideas.
When you don’t want the same things, find a way to meet in the middle without considering your partner the enemy. Ask that they give you the same benefit of the doubt. When you both realize you’re on that team together, you’re more likely to try to come up with a solution that works for both of you, rather than constantly butting heads.
If you’re still having trouble resolving conflicts in your relationship, consider working with a counselor. Counseling can help you learn how to communicate more effectively as a couple. You’ll learn helpful strategies you can use in everyday conversations, as well as how to deal with conflicts and arguments before they escalate.
Reach out to learn more about couples therapy.