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Feeling Unfulfilled In Your Relationship?
- Do you struggle to feel heard and seen by your partner?
- Are you just going through the motions but lacking true intimacy and connection?
- Since drifting apart, do you sense more anger and resentment brewing beneath the surface?
The trajectory of a failing relationship often happens gradually. When conflicts and misunderstandings outweigh the enjoyable times spent together, you might begin to intentionally avoid each other. Perhaps you’re having a harder time communicating your needs and desires. Conversations frequently turn into arguments that never seem to get resolved.
If you co-exist like roommates more than intimate partners, one or both of you may be exploring a connection outside of the relationship, leading to betrayal and a breach of trust. Under these conditions, you might have lost hope that things will ever return to the way they were. Rather than taking unconditional love and affection for granted, you may experience increased anger, resentment, anxiety, jealousy, and loneliness.
Life Can Get In The Way Of Connection
Neither of you likely intended for your relationship to run aground. Instead, the realities and commitments of daily life—like careers, parenting, and financial concerns—have a way of creeping in. Before either of you realized it, your relationship was no longer the priority it had once been. If only you could reconnect and stop hurting each other, you would rediscover the joy and excitement you used to share.
Couples counseling offers you dedicated time each week to focus on your relationship and rediscover the intimacy that’s been missing. Working with a marriage therapist, you can learn how to reprioritize your connection and restore the bond you once had.
We Commonly Put Pressure On Romantic Partners To Be Our “Everything”
Esther Perel observes, “Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling.” [1]
Because so much emphasis is placed on this one relationship, it can be terrifying and intensely painful if that bond begins to fracture. Unfortunately, we often respond to our pain and fear by acting in ways that sabotage the relationship rather than by repairing it.
Navigating Life As A Couple Can Be Hard
After the excitement of new love wears off, we are commonly unprepared for what it will be like to face life’s challenges in a committed relationship. Some of the obstacles we may encounter include:
- Meshing differing personalities, interests, parenting styles, and views about sex and intimacy;
- Agreeing on an equitable division of labor within the relationship so neither partner feels overburdened;
- Navigating the expectations, influence, and involvement of in-laws or ex-partners;
- Reckoning with affairs—emotional and sexual alike—and unauthorized porn use.
Unfortunately, our challenges are compounded if we never witnessed what a healthy relationship looked like in our formative years. Further, if we enter the relationship with the influence of past trauma or the faulty assumption that our partner operates the same way we do, we are bound to run into problems.
The good news is that virtually all couples who have sought out therapy are happy they did. According to a survey conducted by Verywell Mind, “Among respondents in couples therapy, 99 percent say it had a positive impact on their relationship.” [2] Simply put, when you decide to work on your relationship, positive transformation is possible.
Therapy Provides Couples With The Tools To Rebuild Their Relationship
In romantic partnerships, sex is often the easy part—true intimacy happens anywhere but in the bedroom. You might struggle to rebuild emotional closeness and reestablish how you once felt about each other. In couples therapy, we define what true intimacy is, helping you understand how, in its many forms, intimacy is integral to your connection.
Your couples therapist will identify your relationship as the client. Most importantly, they will not take sides but, instead, hold a steady, sacred space where you can effectively explore your issues. They will invite you to set mutual goals while providing support and encouragement in taking steps toward them.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy
We tailor our approach based on your needs and preferences. Because each of our couples therapists is trained in several different modalities, they will customize treatment to best support effective and successful outcomes. We use plain language to ensure we work collaboratively with you to reach a shared goal. Our counselors prefer to focus less on high-concept therapeutic models and more on explaining the tools or techniques we introduce into couples therapy clearly and simply.
Couples counseling sessions will typically be attended together. However, if either of you could benefit from meeting with your couples counselor one-on-one—perhaps to work on individual coping skills or address unresolved trauma—we can make accommodations for that.
Throughout couples therapy, your counselor will offer techniques to help you communicate more effectively, prioritize your relationship, and address the factors that may interfere with intimacy. In ongoing sessions, we will evaluate the efforts each of you has made so far, fine-tune strategies as needed, and identify the next steps to keep moving toward your goal.
The Modalities We Draw From In Couples Counseling
Our couples therapists draw from solution-focused techniques, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method couples therapy principles like the Sound Relationship House model. We also incorporate knowledge and tools from leaders such as Ester Perel, Sue Johnson, and Terry Real. Your couples counselor will listen intently to help you identify the patterns that keep you stuck, providing education as needed to help you understand yourself and each other. Because 90 percent of change happens outside of therapy, we will encourage you to practice growth and connection at home. We offer engaging and easy-to-use tools so that therapy remains productive and enjoyable.
Within committed relationships, there will always be hurdles. However, with connection, knowledge, and tools, you can learn to navigate your life journey as a couple stronger than ever. No matter your circumstances, marriage counseling offers hope for you to learn about each other and reconnect in new ways.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…
What if I think the relationship is over and only contemplate couples counseling because my partner asked me to?
When emotions are raw, putting on emotional armor and proclaiming, “It’s over,” can feel so much safer than being vulnerable. Before making any firm decision, our therapists often ask clients to allow couples therapy the time needed to do its work. Giving yourselves a chance to see if growth and reconnection are possible is something you won’t regret. And regardless of the decision you ultimately make, you will feel well-informed about it.
My partner cheated on me and everyone tells me I should leave them. How can marital counseling help if I don't know whether I can ever trust them again?
Right now, you may be grieving the loss of trust and feeling a range of complicated emotions. It’s important to take time to process and grieve. And you should also be aware that fear can keep you small and hold you back. If you are both open to marriage therapy, there is always potential for healing. Ultimately, this is your story—you don't have to write the ending yet.
I don't know what happened—one day we stopped talking to each other.
When you think back to when you first met, you were so excited to talk, right? When everything was new, you felt that spark of connection. Now, think about your relationship today. Have you grown apart and changed as people? Chances are you have. But what if you had the tools to get to know each other again, share laughter and great conversation, and feel that spark again? With a commitment to couples therapy, you can.
All Couples Can Benefit From Therapy
There’s no reason to delay receiving compassionate, unbiased support that will benefit your relationship. If you would like to find out more about couples therapy with Scottsville Counseling Center, you may visit our contact page or call 270-943-7818 to schedule a free 15-minute call to get more information.
For Our LGBTQIA+ Clients Interested In Couples Counseling
At Scottsville Counseling Center, our approach to diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility is sacred for creating a safe, supportive environment for all couples. We gladly offer LGBTQIA+ counseling for gay and lesbian couples as well as therapy for polyamorous relationships.
For scheduling or any questions, please call (270) 943-7818 or email us at [email protected].
[1] https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/15427.Esther_Perel#: