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Many couples face unforeseen obstacles that can increase conflict and cause a rift in their relationship. These circumstances can arise at any point in a relationship, for many reasons, and it may feel easier to ignore them.
Facing these struggles can be scary and may create conflicting emotions. You may think you have failed your partner or feel like your needs have been neglected, or maybe you have lost each other in the sea of constant busyness with kids, work, and life. Wherever your emotions are leading you, without proper communication and mutual understanding, it can lead to turmoil in a relationship. This can build resentment and fester into unhealthy behaviors.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
- Have life circumstances altered your perception of your relationship?
- Are you struggling to find an effective communication style?
- Do you spend more time arguing in hopes of making the other party agree rather than helping them understand and accept?
- Does it feel like a constant tug-o-war, depicting who is more committed to the outcome of the relationship?
- Do you find your priorities are growing in a different direction than your partner?
You Are Not Alone
All relationships come with ups and downs. Romantic relationships offer a stronger bond which means the “downs” can feel deeper and harder to bounce back from. The more you care about each other, the easier it is to have your feelings hurt by your partner. Being hurt by the one you love can make you withdraw and feel alone. Loneliness in a relationship is created when you feel there has been a loss of the emotional connection, with 28% of people feeling lonely in their family life. Within this group, it is not unlikely that when one partner feels alone, the other feels the same.
Every successful couple will face obstacles, and they must decide that the relationship is worth fighting for to overcome it. The road is not always easy, and the road is not always bright; however, it is possible to learn how to cooperate, accept, and forgive again. Couples wait an average of 6 years before they seek counseling, but the longer a couple waits, the more risk they are taking. Couples that seek therapy to address their issues have a higher rate of success. These obstacles, although painful, should be viewed as an opportunity to grow closer and stronger together.
Fortifying Love Through Emotional Bricks
There are many reasons why a couple faces challenges, and Scottsville Counseling Center is here for you. We are a team of patient and compassionate therapists who actively assist couples in finding their voices. These skills enable you to better express your desires, concerns, and love for one another. Scottsville Counseling Center engages each couple through dynamic approaches tailored to meet your needs.
We understand that each couple has unique circumstances, individual pains, and collective ambitions. This is a key reason we walk through each step with you, applying knowledge of relationships, self-growth, and goal building skills. We want to ensure that you and your partner can effectively address concerns and build your love back to its fullest. Our team understands the delicacy of working through emotional trauma and the raw emotions that surround relationship issues. We actively follow your path and bring tools to help you and your partner successfully navigate your journey, moving towards a healthier connection.
Therapists at Scottsville Counseling Center provide space for each couple to find their voice and engage in their relationship with confidence. Our therapists guide each party to evaluate their emotions, their desired outcomes, and to address their partner with respect, compassion, and compromise. We build empathy and understanding to increase a relationship’s success and spark the flame that was ignited in the beginning.
We are not one party’s therapist drawing in the other party; we treat the couple, acknowledging the individual’s perspectives. We want to help nurture the relationship that both parties are invested in, to cultivate the love and understanding that can blossom with the right tools.
As relationship architects, we provide the blueprints and tools needed for a healthy relationship, but it is your emotional bricks and mortar of devotion that will build the long-lasting fortitude where you both will thrive. Through a therapist’s guidance you will learn how to place each stone of love, compassion, and empathy and fortify it with the mortar of communication and dedication to reveal the full potential of your desired relationship.
COMMON QUESTIONS AND CONCERNS
What does couples therapy look like? I don’t want to walk into a bashing ground?
One common reason couples do not seek therapy is because one, or both parties, are afraid of their mistakes being highlighted. They do not want to be called out and publicly shamed for their shortcomings. At Scottsville Counseling Center, we work with couples to move beyond the past and actively create a healthier future. Our therapists are highly trained in triangulation and treat the couple as the client. We do not pick sides of one client. We do believe in accountability and responsibility as part of the healing process. Additionally, we also often encourage clients to focus on issues, not people. There may be times that a therapist gently walks you to a perspective to help your understanding develop. This is never done as a public shaming or aimed to disgrace the individual. We work on acceptance and forgiveness which means there may be times to acknowledge mistakes that were made. The main goal is to heal the relationship, our therapists remain focused on treating the health of the relationship, they are not the judge, jury, or executioner.
I don’t want to dredge up the past. Can’t we just move on?
Nobody wants to relive a nightmare. However, if some nightmares are reoccurring it’s okay to turn the light on. Our therapists may work through past issues to make sure that history does not repeat itself. This is done by focusing on the reaction and emotional response and less on the act itself. Many times, this can be a simple reframing of communication styles and learning how to feel safe while opening to each other. We work through vulnerability and provide you with the ability to face each other by extending grace and forgiveness.
How much time will this take?
Every couple has unique aspects that determine the length of time for healing. We suggest that couples that are in crisis take one 50-min session weekly, couples that are working through things can seek bi-weekly meetings, or a once-a-month session for couples who aim to maintain progress. For couples who find it difficult sitting face to face during troubled times, or those who live farther away, we offer Zoom meetings as well. One therapy session takes the same amount of time as streaming an episode of your favorite show.
Intimacy issues
Intimacy problems widely occur behind a variety of closed doors. Conflicts may include a loss of harmony between the sheets, a lack of sexual desire between either partners or failure in communication. There are often psychological factors that may contribute to a sexual disorder such as erectile dysfunction, or a lowered desire after a new mother has given birth. Intimacy issues are common, but if one or more become severe and there is no resolution in sight, it may be time to seek therapy for guidance.
ELEMENTS OF A SATISFACTORY RELATIONSHIP
- Trust
- Mindfulness
- Mutual Respect
- Communication
SIGNS THAT SEX PROBLEMS ARE AFFECTING A RELATIONSHIP
- Disappointment in oneself or the relationship
- One or both partners are feeling dissatisfied
- Couples lack communication and disconnect from one another
- One or both partners feel neglected or unwanted
- A feeling of sexual boredom or unhappiness
CounselIng appRoaches that may help
Couples experiencing relationship challenges have a few different treatment options. First, one or both partners within the couple could benefit from independent counseling to address any individual issues impacting the relationship. This can be especially helpful for building skills to manage anxiety, anger, and past traumas that can create obstacles to moving forward with relationship issues. It can also provide a private space for individuals to clarify how relationship dynamics are impacting them or what they are longing, and then strategize ways to best discuss that with their partner. Alternatively, partners may wish to attend sex therapy or couples counseling together. In this type of counseling, a therapist meets with both of them together to help facilitate productive conversations and collaborate on tools to address the challenges they identify.