It isn’t necessarily uncommon for family members to have different communication styles. After all, you’re unique. Even if you live in the same household, you’re not all going to pattern your communication efforts after each other.
But, varying communication styles become problematic when they’re unhealthy. Someone might be passive, or overly assertive. Someone might be aggressive, while another family member might have a hard time listening to anything anyone else says.
Sound familiar?
If so, it doesn’t mean your communication efforts are a lost cause. As a family, there are things you can do to foster healthy communication styles and connect more fully. Let’s cover a few tips you can put into practice right away.
Be an Active Listener
One of the best things you can do to improve communication within your family is to listen. Being an active listener isn’t just about hearing what someone else has to say. When someone in your family is talking, how often are you distracted by other things? Are you paying attention? Do you interrupt them? Are you trying to accomplish something else while listening?
When you choose to actively listen to someone, you give them your full attention. Make eye contact, don’t let other things become a distraction, and make sure you have enough time dedicated to the conversation.
Additionally, don’t hesitate to ask questions, repeat phrases to ensure you understand, and use nonverbal cues to let that person know you’re really listening. Communication is a two-way street. When you become an active listener, you’re likely to receive the same respect in return.
Be Specific
Communication can quickly get muddled if you’re not clear and concise. Things can get brushed under the rug, and it’s difficult to fully handle situations when you aren’t being specific.
This issue is especially problematic when you need to express your needs or talk about your feelings. It creates ambiguity. That can cause confusion or tension, and create underlying problems where they really don’t need to exist.
Stay in the Present
Another problem that can come from not fully expressing your feelings is holding onto past hurts or negative experiences. When you’re discussing something with a family member, it’s important to stay on the topic at hand.
Don’t bring up past hurts or problems. If you haven’t fully let certain things go, choose a time to talk about them, specifically. Otherwise, stay in the present. If you bring up past issues, it can make your family feel like you resent them or that you’ve been holding a grudge.
Use “I” Statements
No matter what you’re talking about with family members, make sure to lead with your feelings — especially when there’s a problem. Instead of saying something to your spouse like, “You always ignore me after work,” try something like, “I would love to spend more time with you when you get home from work, and feel lonely when you watch TV instead.”
By using “I” statements, family members will be less likely to feel attacked. Instead of having to defend themselves, they can engage in a conversation with you. Together, you’ll be able to come up with healthy, practical solutions.
Getting Communication Help
It’s not always easy breaking communication habits and patterns within a family unit. These tips can help, but if your communication styles are still clashing, consider reaching out to a professional.
Therapy can help you and your family better understand why your communication styles might be unhealthy. You’ll also learn how to put even more tips into your communication efforts, so you can strengthen your relationships and foster healthier habits for your children. If you’re interested in learning more about family counseling or want to set up an appointment, feel free to contact us.