It’s easy to think about relationship red flags and brush them off. We’ve created so many stereotypes and tropes that some red flags have become something to joke about. Unfortunately, they’re very real and can wreak havoc on a relationship — and on your well-being. 

Even if you understand that red flags are problematic, some of them might initially look appealing. 

Think about having a giant ice cream sundae loaded with brownies, hot fudge, and whipped cream. It looks great, but consuming the entire thing isn’t going to be good for you. Sometimes, people are the same way. With that in mind, let’s look closer at why some red flags can draw your interest. 

Love Bombing

Love bombing might feel like a relatively new term, but the action itself is not. Love bombing occurs when a partner is extremely romantic, loving, and affectionate. 

At the beginning of a relationship, these qualities can make you feel you’re living in a fairytale. But, love bombing can actually be a major red flag. It’s often associated with emotional or physical abuse as part of a cycle to keep someone in a harmful relationship. Love bombing can make you feel “trapped” in a relationship, and hesitant to leave someone, even if you know they aren’t good for you. 

Controlling Behavior

You might think you could turn away someone with controlling behavior immediately, but for some people, it can be a source of comfort. 

People with controlling behavior might not seem so extreme at first. They might even be charming in the way they want to make decisions for you as though it’s to protect you or make your life easier. 

Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case. Over time, controlling behavior can keep you from your support system, from things you enjoy doing, and even cause you to lose your sense of self. 

Possessiveness

Possessiveness differs slightly from controlling behavior. At first, you might think a partner’s possessiveness is charming or romantic. After all, they just want to keep you safe, right? 

Unfortunately, possessiveness can end up being a very scary and dangerous thing in a relationship. If your partner keeps you from friends and family, it’s likely that they’re concerned you’ll share negative things about your relationship or try to “get away” somehow. Possessiveness and protection are two very different things. Remember that no one “owns” you, and you shouldn’t feel trapped by your partner. 

Some Red Flags Are Familiar

Sometimes, you might notice what people would consider red flags in a person, but you’re attracted to them because there’s a sense of comfort there. Maybe you grew up in a household with parents who had a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. Or, maybe you’ve experienced those relationships yourself. 

As much as you might hate those red flags, they’re all you know. They can feel like a security blanket, so you try to downplay them in your mind. Or, you might fall into the “love is blind” category, and find yourself so enamored with someone that you choose to ignore their red flags until they become too much to handle. 

What You Can Do

If any of these red flags sound familiar, there are a few things you should do to protect yourself. First, if you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, it’s important to find a safe place to stay and people you trust who can help you. Do what you can to get yourself out of harm’s way. 

If your relationship isn’t necessarily abusive but you know these problems keep getting worse, put your well-being first. Practice self-care, talk to your partner about these issues, and don’t hesitate to leave if you feel things won’t get better. 

Red flags aren’t always easy to spot or talk about once you’ve discovered them. It’s important to have a safe space to open up. With that in mind, contact me to set up an appointment for couples therapy. Together, we’ll start your healing journey.