Erin Evans, M.Ed., LPCA, NCC
Music can have a powerful effect on us… It captures feelings and ideas we have a hard time expressing, shares information and gets us to think about life in new ways, and often shifts our moods. When going through a tough time a few years ago, I frequently listened to the song “Stand” by Rascal Flatts. For me, the words and melody activated reserves of strength and energy I needed at the time. Lately, the first line of the song has periodically come floating back to the forefront on my thoughts.
“You feel like a candle in a hurricane.”
It has struck me as odd that line has echoed in my mind as it was not part of the song I had paid much attention to in the past. As it has continued to resound, I have noticed a pattern of it showing up when I am thinking about or listening to someone else talk about the state of the world. It has specifically risen when focused on the levels of fear, anger, impatience, intolerance, conflict, and despair in around us. Despite hearing people on all sides lamenting the condition we find ourselves in, it seems like these factors continue growing more widespread and deep-seated.
For myself and the people I talk with, trying to hold on to or get back to the good and necessary opposites—courage, compassion, patience, tolerance, collaboration, and hope—amidst everything going on can feel like trying to protect a candle’s flame in a hurricane. It’s often difficult and sometimes seems like fighting a losing battle. However, protecting (or reigniting) that light is arguably our most important task right now. Life will not improve if we too surrender to the storm. It will actually make the problem worse.
So how do we preserve that light? Like everything else in mental health, it’ll probably look different for everyone. Personally, I go back to good self-care, DBT’s concept of Radical Acceptance, the mindfulness practice of loving-kindness, and Brene Brown’s instructions on how to D.I.G. deep.
First, radical acceptance protects both the heart and mind as it encourages accepting reality. With radical acceptance, I do not have to agree with or approve of reality, nor do I have to resign myself to doing nothing to change it. However, I can accept the circumstances and the associated painful emotions without getting tangled up in reality-fighting thoughts that contribute to suffering (e.g., “it shouldn’t be this way,” “it’s unbearable like this,” “it’s not fair”).
Next, loving-kindness meditations generate positive energy that can be extended to all beings. For those unfamiliar, it involves mentally sending warm and kind wishes towards oneself, loved ones, strangers, challenging or irritating individuals, and the world as a whole. Research has documented numerous benefits of LKMs, which makes it a solid choice for replenishing our stores of those good and necessary elements.
Finally, Brene Brown’s DIG deep instructions offer guidance on continuing to move forward. She encourages getting Deliberate, getting Inspired, and getting Going. In other words, be very intentional about choices and actions, persistently seek sources of encouragement, and get to work on those aspects of your life you can have an impact on.
Through it all, it’s important to remember that this may not be a one-and-done storm but rather a stormy season. Persistence will be key. If you would like support finding your own plan to ride out the storm, you can schedule appointment with us at 270-943-7818 or via email [email protected]. You can also learn more about our services here: https://www.amandapatrickmft.com/services