10/4/21
Erin Evans, M.Ed., LPCA, NCC
One of my favorite parts of my field is coming across words that illuminate the shadowy internal experiences or paths we walk so that we may view them more clearly and move forward more confidently. Our monthly Personal Growth Book Club emerged from a desire to continue finding those words alongside a community of other individuals pursuing growth who can deepen the experience through exchanging wisdom and encouragement as we all walk our paths. The first Personal Growth Book Club meeting definitely did not disappoint.
After individually reading “Burnout” by sisters Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, we met as a small group outside the Wellness Studio on a Thursday evening on the last day of September. The hour seemed to fly by as we discussed concepts from the book and other sources of insight (shoutout to Brene Brown and Ian Cron) as well as some personal stressors, victories, passions, and dreams. I could have happily continued talking for the remainder of the evening, and I left having learned a few more things and feeling energized by the positive connections.
The book itself offered some good insights I have carried into my personal life and professional practice. I would encourage everyone to read this book considering the current stress levels our society faces, but if you need a bit more convincing, see how this summary resonates for you…
Part 1: What You Take With You
The first part of the book describes the what, how, and why of burnout processes within individuals, and it throws in some tips on how to cope. Importantly, it clarifies that stress and stressors are separate factors. Many times we think that by dealing with one, we deal with the other; however, in reality, we often have to deal with them individually. Our stressors may be chronic or somewhat intangible, or it may be unsafe or socially unacceptable to deal with the stressor directly. In those cases, we have to know how to complete the stress response cycle and create ways for us to shift into more relaxed states. Some techniques discussed in the book include deep breathing, positive social connection, laughter, affection, crying (yes, crying… it is actually good for you!), and creativity.
For the stressors we can control, the Nagoski sisters introduce the concept of “the Monitor” who carefully oversees “the gap between where we are and where we are going” (p. 30). The Monitor essentially evaluates the ratio effort to progress. Perhaps obviously, low effort and high progress associates with less stress while high effort and little progress correlates to greater stress. We can manage the Monitor through skills of planful problem solving, positive reappraisal, changing the expectations, and knowing when to move on from a situation.
In addition to providing some good tools to cope with stress and stressors, the Nagoskis emphasize the importance of identifying one’s source of meaning in life. As they so aptly put it, “an increased sense of meaning in life [moves] us from coping to thriving”(p. 67) when coupled with self-compassion. Significantly, they acknowledge we create meaning rather than finding it, and they provide some reflection activities to help with identifying and articulating one’s personal source of meaning.
Part 2: The Real Enemy
After informing us how to deal with the stress and stressors, the Nagoskis remind us that the stress and stressors are the side effects rather than the real problem. They assert that the real problem is the sociopolitical dynamics that create the stress and stressors. What’s more, we cannot 100% beat or avoid these factors. Instead, the Nagoskis help us recognize the dynamics, find ways to navigate within the stressful systems, and start reshaping our thinking.
Part 3: Wax On, Wax Off
The final portion of the book discusses how to grow stronger and start fighting the real enemy. Here they offer detailed pointers on connection, rest, and self-compassion. Interestingly, these become scarcer the more stressed we get, and it can take intentionality and creativity to work them in. Nevertheless, we cannot stand a chance against the real, bigger challenges in our world if we are alone, exhausted, and tearing ourselves down from the inside.
Again, this is just a summary. The book itself is packed with good info, and you can dive into a more thought-provoking read using it’s discussion questions found here:
Burnout_DiscussionGuide_Bookclub.pdf (squarespace.com).
Better yet, join us for the next Personal Growth Book Club meeting on Thursday, November 4th, 2021 at 6:30pm central outside our Wellness Studio on the Scottsville Square in Scottsville, KY. We will be discussing Brene Brown’s “The Gift’s of Imperfection,” and the $5 participation fee will go towards donating a copy of the book to the Allen Country Public Library. If you would like support in your own journey to ensure to lessen burnout, you can schedule an appointment with us at 270-943-7818 or via email [email protected]. You can also learn more about our services by clicking here: https://www.amandapatrickmft.com/services