Lately as I have watched the gradual color shifts of the trees and the daylight, my mind and conversations have frequently centered on “change”. Sometimes I dwell on the wishes for change I witness… goals to grow as an individual; hopes that a loved one or other connection would be different; dreams of a different situation like a new home or car; longings for a better society and world. Other times, I ponder the resistance to change I encounter… fear of the unknown; battles for acceptance or validation; threats to autonomy or influence; fatigue from too many changes; preferences for familiarity and comfort; love of and attachment to what we have.
Regardless of whether you are hoping for it or fighting against it, “change” tends to trigger anxiety, frustration, and sadness that can be directed at oneself, other people, situations, and other external factors. For me, it has been helpful to understand the progression of the behavior change process to have more patience for myself and others facing the challenges.
Change begins with PRECONTEMPLATION. In this first stage, we literally have not even begun thinking about change. We tend to be ok with the status-quo and may deny the presence of an issue or avoid talking about it. We may not know life could be different for us, or we may not believe we need/want anything different. It doesn’t necessarily matter if other people have told us about other options or reasons to pursue them. We only move from this stage when we personally start to believe in the viability of the alternatives and acknowledge the legitimacy of the rationales. Often this insight comes after facing challenges that lead us to recognize that what we are doing is not working.
With our new awareness, we will enter the next stage, CONTEMPLATION. Here, we start to consider changing. We may way the pros and cons of trying something different versus remaining the same. The consequences of and barriers to changing often appear daunting, leading to hesitation or even decisions not to try.
When our confidence and courage grow or our discomfort with the status-quo becomes intolerable, we may commit to changing and shift into PREPARATION. We research more about our options and may start to form a plan for how to achieve what we desire. Additionally, we experiment with small changes to see what they’re like.
Once we feel confident in our information and plan, we enter the ACTION stage. Taking direct and calculated steps, we set ourselves in clear motion towards a clear target. Stumbles and struggles may occur, but we remain persistent and stay the course. If needed, we may adapt our efforts to achieve our goal more effectively.
After developing a sufficient level of mastery and incorporation of the new behavior, our focus become MAINTENANCE of the change. Automatic cruise control is not an option with new changes. Though this stage does not generally require as much effort as PREPARATION and ACTION, it does require diligence and self-discipline. If we are not careful, complacency or temptation can topple our progress.
Such RELAPSE can occur at any point along the way to change. In RELAPSE, the challenges of change may seem too great or the temptation for the enjoyments of past behavior seem too powerful. Left unchecked, the discouragement or allure can cause us to give up and revert to old ways.
It can be heartbreaking to experience relapse or watch someone else go through it. However, it’s important to remember that we learn something from every effort to change regardless of its success or failure. Furthermore, the relapse can build our commitment to maintaining our efforts next time we attempt to evolve.
All in all, the stages of change can help us better understand ourselves and others as well as respond more effectively. If we know where we are in the model, we can have patience as we build up our readiness to change, grace as we build new skills and step out of our comfort zone, diligence in protecting against threats to our efforts, and courage to stand back up if we do fall. If you would like help in bringing about change in your life, please reach out at (270) 942-7818 or [email protected] to make an appointment.