Erin Evans, M.Ed., LPCA, NCC
Post-Disaster Feels—I’m ok, so why am I struggling?
A little over 3 weeks ago, disaster hit our state. Multiple tornadoes tore through in the dead of night, followed by hours of severe storms in some places. That night, we experienced intense fear for the safety of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. When daylight came, the fear shifted to significant shock and grief. In the days since, it has helped many to work towards cleaning up and repairing, see the outpouring of community support, and return to some routine. However, we will likely carry the pain of lost loved ones, damaged buildings and belongings, and a diminished sense of safety in storms for a long time to come.
I think we can readily accept and understand there will be ongoing challenges for those directly and clearly impacted, but some may find themselves wondering why they’re still struggling. They find themselves holding heavy emotions or feeling the strain in their bodies, and they question or shame themselves because they believe they shouldn’t be or have no right to be upset. To those people, I would like to offer a few possible explanations for the difficulties and encourage self-compassion.
For one, your stress response cycle (see our social media post) might be to blame. If you completed the cycle, you may still be trying to recover from the physical and emotional toll. We all do this at different speeds, and that’s ok. Just focus on helping yourself recharge. If you have not completed the cycle, your brain may be continuing to sound the alarm for danger and keeping you on high alert. In this scenario, you need to help your brain understand it is safe now and engage in activities that help you complete the cycle.
Second, you may be experiencing variations of grief. As a society, we are at higher risk for cumulative and collective grief right now. As with individual grief, both include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and creation of meaning as common reactions. Cumulative grief occurs when another loss occurs before you can fully process another one. Meanwhile, collective grief happens when a tragedy impacts a community of people, and they feel the pain together. Simply look at the news headlines of the past 2+ years and then consider all the “typical” sources of loss, and you can understand why cumulative and collective grief are so prevalent.
Lastly, if you identify as a highly empathetic person or work as a caregiving professional, you may be developing compassion fatigue or vicarious trauma. Compassion fatigue entails physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion from caring for others who have experienced significant stress or trauma. It typically has a rapid onset and can be resolved quickly through effective intervention. Vicarious trauma emerges after repeated exposure to the traumas of others and results in significant psychosocial distress as well as shifts in the helper’s worldview. People experiencing vicarious trauma can often benefit from therapeutic support.
All-in-all, regardless of the specific reason for struggling, please let yourself acknowledge and accept when you are having a hard time. Remember, compassion is not a finite resource. Offering some to yourself does not take away from that available to the person you believe is more deserving. Rather, offering yourself compassion and taking care of yourself better allows you to extend that love to the next person and support them in their healing endeavors.
If you need support in identifying your struggle or developing skills to cope, feel free to schedule with us at (270) 943-7818 or [email protected]. You can also learn more about the topics we support, including trauma, by visiting https://www.amandapatrickmft.com/ and clicking on the “Services” tab at the top.