In the last article, we discussed the importance of developing awareness on how one’s life circumstances influences one’s view and communication style. While that is a valuable step to improving our communication, the awareness should not stop there. We can also make significant improvements to our communication when we get clear on what we want to convey, the goal(s) of our efforts, and the method of communicating that best address those factors.
To understand the importance of this, imagine an intense fight between a couple. Perhaps for a simplified version, it starts about something related to finances, then tangents into tallying who does what chores and how well they do them, then jumps back to an insensitive remark on a vacation 3 years ago, then devolves into a ping-pong match of accusations and defensiveness before someone storms off leaving both people feeling confused, angry, anxious, and alone. In this scenario, both people technically expressed A LOT. However, consider… What deeper, more vulnerable message needed to be communicated? How clear was the most important part of the message? What was actually communicated? What was the hope for the interaction? What actually resulted?
In this scenario, the amount of communication and the style of it likely contributed to more misunderstanding and made it harder to work together on the problem. I see the same thing in my work and personal life, and I have come to understand that more communication isn’t always the antidote to miscommunication. Miscommunications can also occur when we aren’t willing or able to clearly express the deeper and often more vulnerable elements of our message, and then we allow our anger, hurt, and anxiety to drive us to act in ways that further obscure that part of the message, making it harder to achieve our goals. Remedying this requires more awareness and grounded, intentional action.
One starting point may be reflecting on a recent miscommunication and answering the same reflection questions as above. If you need further support identifying deeper elements of the message and figuring out the actions that bring you closer to your goals, feel free to schedule at 270-943-7818 or [email protected]