Communication is a vast subject with seemingly endless strategies, skills, and nuances that vary by person and culture. Anyone just getting started on improving their communication can easily get lost or overwhelmed. For beginners, I typically encourage understanding what communication is, having awareness of what shapes our communication, honing strong listening skills, and developing effective expressive skills. Previous articles have touched on the first three of these, and this last article in the series focuses on that final skill.
As listening allows us to get to know the inner worlds and messages of others, expression allows us to share the same about ourselves. To pinpoint expression skills we may grow in, I often draw on the acronym DEARMAN from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Its components are as follows:
Describe—lay out the facts of the situation objectively and clearly, staying away from judgmental labels or inflammatory words/phrases.
Express—use “I statements” to name your emotions and interpretations.
Assert—state your wants, needs, or values directly yet respectfully.
Reinforce—encourage others to work with you through positive or negative reinforcement.
Mindfulness—stay focused on the topic and goals of your interaction.
Appear Confident—use good volume, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.
Negotiate—collaborate persistently on solutions that honor all parties involved rather than giving up or engaging in combative tug-of-war.
While the combination can be especially effective at managing the intensity of conflicts, one can apply the skills to an array of situations. Confidence will likely help a job interview or date. Assertiveness and reinforcement support boundary setting, whether it’s in management, family dynamics, or other settings. Description can quickly orient potential helpers if there’s a problem between people or with anything like an order, appliance, or service. Negotiation may help resolve a schedule conflict at work.
It's for each person to evaluate what skills are most needed for the situation they are in, and how specifically might they improve their communication in those dimensions to best work within that context? If you are interested in locating support with this topic, please contact us at [email protected] or via phone at (270) 943-7818. You can also learn more about the topics we support by visiting https://www.amandapatrickmft.com/.